Weird Deer

Our talk about the election the other day got me thinking about the issue of electability, which is something I wish nobody thought about. In fact, I’m beginning to think that “electability” is usually just a proxy for other concerns that for some reason we can’t seem to get at directly.

John Edwards, clawing for relevance at the January 21st debate, insinuated that he, as a white male, is the most electable Democrat running for president, thereby achieving a major technological advance in the politics of race- and sex-baiting. In effect he’s saying, “Listen, I know that you, humble Democrats, are not racist misogynists, but can you really depend on the rest of America not to be? I’m not asking you to pick me because you don’t like black people or women, but because they don’t.”

For reasons that others have made plenty clear, electability is a bad way to figure out who to vote for. Caring about electability means making a lot of assumptions about what other people care about, and since none of us really has any idea what drives even our closest loved ones, the electability question becomes a place of wild speculation and fearmongering. Electability killed Howard Dean, and look what good that did us.

In Edwards’s case, he’s using electability as a stand-in for race and gender bias–and this from a progressive Democrat, no less–but he’s doing it in such a way that the individual voter doesn’t have to feel like the racist misogynist.

I don’t think this is particularly new. Saying, “I’m not voting for Obama/Hillary because I don’t think America will actually elect a black/female president” doesn’t sound a whole lot different from such discrimination classics as “I didn’t hire him because I don’t think our customers would feel comfortable dealing with somebody with dreadlocks” or “The guys in management won’t take you seriously if you wear blouses like that.”

This kind of “Hey, don’t look at me” discrimination is incredibly pernicious. It makes the speaker feel innocent because (1) he doesn’t appear to be drawing on personally held prejudices and (2) the content of the statement might even be marginally true—racist customers might get all weird, misogynist bosses might leer condescendingly, and some voters might not be ready for a black or female president (though it’s worth asking if any Democratic candidate really has a shot at their votes anyway). Even if the statements are true, there’s no reason our misguided speaker should be advancing the racist/misogynist cause by acting as its proxy. And the pass-the-buck quality of the statements make you wonder if he’s really just worried about saying something far more direct that could land him in deep doodoo.

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But the point I was getting at was this electability thing, and I was going to say that popular suffrage implicates the individual intellect—this whole thing rides on most of us making the correct choice, using whatever faculties we have. By now we know all about the candidates’ policy positions, their experience, their endorsements, their ability to imitate black southerners, and so on. It’s too much to think about, so at this point I’m just trying to winnow down the relevant criteria, and electability—along with whatever strange ideas I might fill it with—is the first to go.

Happy voting,
Paul

Travis might have convinced you that I’m really into politics, but don’t let him fool you. I’m not one of those Iowans.

Well, at least I wasn’t ’till this year. Maybe it’s because I’m older and more mature (18!), or maybe it’s because the candidates are more fascinating this year (Chris Dodd’s hair!). Whatever it was that triggered the political part of my brain, it now had me hooked. I wish I had been pulled in earlier while you two were visiting so I could have tagged along to hear the speeches, but whatever. By caucus time I was ready.

I didn’t know if it was cool or not to tag along with the oldies, but I wasn’t ready to try this on my own so I ended up going with my parents to the caucus at the high school. As you saw from our dueling yard signs, Mom is a crazy Hillary fan while Dad is all for Obama. I hoped to see someone I knew to hang out with, so I wouldn’t get caught in the middle.

Of course, it was freezing out once we got to the high school, and of course, we had to wait in line outside. The caucus was separated into two areas depending on where you lived. Even though the doorman was giving out what he probably thought were clear instructions, people were still confused and many were in the wrong line. When we got close enough, I saw that the doorman had a huge name tag on that said, “Hi, my name is Gary.” Gary kept telling unfunny Republican jokes. I could tell that he was trying to lighten the atmosphere, but the truth was, all everybody wanted was just to get inside where it was warm.

Anybody who looked elderly or frail, Gary let inside in front of everyone else (I figure next caucus, I’ll bring a cane). Finally, we inched up to the door, but when we got in, it was total chaos. All three of us had to go our separate ways to get registered. There were no pens, two pads of registration slips, three volunteers, and six hundred people. Democracy.

When I finally got my hands on a registration slip, I felt like I had made it to the promised land. But, of course, I didn’t have a pen. I noticed the girl in front of me was almost done filling out her slip, but everyone else was eying her also. When she went to put the pen down, I saw ten eyes glance at it and five hands dart for it. Thankfully, my reflexes worked fast enough, and I got the pen first. My second victory!

Now my last task was to wait in line to be tallied for my first choice for president. I didn’t realize that this was not my final vote, so I was nervous about whom to chose, but I had made my decision–Obama was my man!

Inside the commons area of the high school there was a little more breathing room. The first thing I did was get my Obama gear–stickers and pins. Then it was off to find a table in the Obama section. I found a table where my dad was sitting with four , uh, unique characters. One may have been a teacher where I go to school–I’d seen her around and she usually said hi to me, but tonight she ignored me. Drama! Then there was Wilderness Girl complete with fanny pack and a Nalgeen; a computer geek with a Mac t-shirt on; and a little red haired
leprechaun who seemed to be interested in Wilderness Girl, but not for her Nalgeen.

Fortunately, a friend of mine, Allison, came running up to me to relieve me from the awkwardness of the table. We two decided to find our own table. Even though we were both Obama fans, we went into alien territory and snagged the free cookies from the Edwards table, and sandwiches from the Hillary group. Obama’s fans had to go hungry, I guess.

After we ate, it was time to just observe the people. One lady in the Edwards section caught my eye and everyone else’s. She was a tall platinum blond in her 50’s with a “keep abortion legal” t-shirt and an American flag for a skirt. She was staring back at everyone with a “what are you lookin’ at” sneer. We were like, “your skirt and your hair, lady!’ We weren’t the youngest ones there because there seemed to be a lot of whiny little kids running around with their parents not paying any attention to them whatsoever. Gary and his sidekick Mary Lou stood on chairs shouting instructions but no one was really listening although everyone was nodding their heads as if they were.

By now, everyone had gone to their corners-separating themselves by candidate. There were so many of the Obama supporters we didn’t get a corner—they put us in a separate room! The Obama leaders were not happy about this at all and kept yelling that we shouldn’t be in here, that we should be out there so everyone can seen how strong we are. We were pretty strong. I admit it. I felt like lifting a car with my teeth.

Now it was time for the first head count. There was an old African-American lady who took over and I don’t know how she did it, but she got everyone to listen to her. Somehow we all got into a line and she started to count us, even Allison who had never even registered and was only 17. The old counting lady had to keep starting over because people would move into the line like in the middle, but when the votes finally came in in, Obama was in the lead, Hillary was close in second, and Biden, Edwards, Dodd, and Kucinich didn’t have enough people to be viable. You had to have at least 15% of the total to be viable, which was about eighty people. Edwards was short 1 vote.

Now the madness started.

People stood on tables using rolled up pieces of paper as megaphones, trying to recruit anybody and everyone to their candidates. For at least another half hour they were like, “Eat a sandwich, vote for Hillary!” “Cookie? Edwards!”

Allison and I went back to our first table because we needed some breathing room. First it was just us, but then people started drifting over to join us. There was an older African-American man with a huge gray afro eating graham crackers and reading the newspaper. One of the men at the table had a camera and asked Allison if she wanted to be in the Tribune. That caught the graham cracker eater’s attention, and while Allison was posing for the camera, he looked up and said to me,” if you join the Edwards group, I’ll get you in the paper, too.” I politely declined, but he was VERY persistent. I almost had to dropkick the graham cracker out of his mouth.

It was time for another count and the race came down to three candidates—Obama, Hillary, and Edwards. No one went back into the separate Obama room. Now everyone was back in the commons area. This was the final count to decide how many delegates each candidate would get. The people doing the counting were sitting at a table in their area and the caucus goers just marched around the table to be counted. I think some of the people marched around more than once, but no one was really keeping track.

Twenty minutes later the final counts were in and it suddenly got deathly silent. This time everyone listened to Gary and Mary Lou as they announced the results. She said Edwards came in third place and there wasn’t much of a cheer, but you could tell everyone in the Hillary and Obama camp had fingers crossed and prayers on their lips. When Mary Lou announced those results —Hillary second and Obama first—the place erupted. Everyone around me was ecstatic. People jumped up and down and hugged total strangers while shouting, “we did it, we did it!” I tried to get a wave going but it just ended up with just me, Allison, and the Tribune guy.

The cheering went on for about five minutes, and the next thing I knew the place had cleared out gone except me and my parents and Gary and Mary Lou.

That was it. I came home and spread the good news to a couple friends via text-message—Obama wins! Heck yes! One down, forty nine to go.

XOXO
Love,

Caity

Instead of looking back on the glory days of 2007 like a couple of sad old pillars of salt, Weird Deer Correspondents Eric Baus and F.J. Bergmann share their hopes and dreams for 2008.

Eric Baus:

As of December 31st, 6:44 PM Denver time, I’m excited about reading
all of these 11 books and chapbooks in 2008.

Tisa Bryant, Unexplained Presence (Leon Works)

Renee Gladman, Newcomer Can’t Swim (Kelsey St. Press)

Bhanu Kapil, Humanimal (Kelsey St. Press)

Matthew Goulish, Small Acts of Repair: Performance, Ecology, and Goat
Island (Routledge)

Sara Veglahn, Closed Histories (Noemi Press)

J’Lyn Chapman, Bear Stories (Calamari Press)

Lesley Yalen, This Elizabeth (Minus House)

George Kalamaras, Gold Carp Jack Fruit Mirrors (Bitter Oleander)

Andrew Joron, Sound Mirror (Flood Editions)

Sueyeun Juliette Lee, That Gorgeous Feeling (Coconut)

C.S. Carrier, After Dayton (Four Way Books)

A non-book-oriented list would of my most anticipated things of 2008
would include: walking in Denver when it is neither 5 degrees or 110
degrees, trying every kind of Herdez brand salsa, getting better at
ice skating, and for more people to realize that Noah Eli Gordon
looks and acts alarmingly like Count Chocula.

F.J. Bergmann:

The impeachment and subsequent public self-immolation of the entire
Bush cabinet.

Giuliani spontaneously combusts.

Gore runs for President with Nader as VP; they win by a landslide.

Halliburton nationalized and dismantled.

Blackwater board of directors convicted of murders, sentenced to life
in prison.

Immediate total withdrawal from Iraq, which unites under a secular,
tolerant female leader.

Patriot Act repealed. Homeland Security terminated. Peace Corps takes
over global anti-terrorism initiative.

Marijuana decriminalized.

Borders opened: free access from/to Canada and Mexico. Citizenship
offered to anyone still interested.

Bill Gates opens Food for Guns exchange programs throughout central
Africa; starts local cottage industry to use recycled gun metal to
make structural frameworks for coral reefs.

U.S. citizens voluntarily repay whatever tax rebate they got from
Bush to offset the national debt.

Government funding of alternative energy research is immensely
successful.

Discovery of new reliable, cheap, safe contraceptive, effective in
both genders, that also prevents STDs, including AIDS.

Apple invents iPortal: personal teleport devices that are safe and
can be easily set up at home by anyone. Airlines go belly-up, but
nobody cares.

Ivorybill sightings confirmed.